on post partum depression

i believe that i have had some bouts with depression throughout my life, but never felt the need to do anything about it. i'm a basically happy person, and have always seemed to be able to pull out of the dark spots in what seems to be a reasonable amount of time. personally, i think those dips in attitude are perfectly normal.

recently, i've been totally aware of feeling down and tired and just fried in every sense of the word. when 'they' say that parenthood is the toughest job you'll ever love, 'they' aren't lying. i get frustrated with being completely and utterly behind in every aspect of life, and it gets me down and angry and on the verge of tears. incredible anxiety about the cost of daycare, health insurance and everything else that goes along with having a(nother) baby don't help. a few weeks ago, i thought i might need to do something about it and seek some counseling (not meds as i am still breastfeeding), but managed to get out of the funk and get on with things before i did anything about it (i'm behind in everything, right?). i've still had some dips here and there, but feel like life is getting along and i can handle it most of the time. when the heat and humidity are finally gone, it will probably be even easier, as that kind of weather has made brian and i so cranky that we've snapped at each other.

i keep telling myself, that i need to let some stuff go. dirty dishes will wait. so will a dirty house. eating pasta 3 mights in a row because i've forgotten to defrost any meat and haven't had the time to go grocery shopping is not the end of the world. i don't have to be the perfect super mom who can work a full day, then cook a gourmet meal and bathe the kids with a smile on her face. that's just too hard an image to live up to and i don't know that anyone can manage that for very long. my happiness, maintaining a positive attitude, and giving my girls a loving and stress free home are the most important things in the world. but sometimes doing the bare minimum required to get there just seems to sap all the energy i have until i have absolutely nothing left for brian, let alone myself.

i am a big fan of dooce, as a lot of people are. she's probably most famous for losing her job because of her weblog, but recently she has had a series of posts about being hospitalized in a psych ward over the weekend for depression and anxiety. she has always suffered from depression, and the hormonal rollercoaster that happens after birthing a baby has not done anything to improve her situation. since i am post-partum myself, reading these posts have moved me immensely. she has been most brave and strong when she thought she was her weakest. even tho i have never met her, i think she is an incredible woman and her husband and daughter are so very lucky to have her.

mazel tov heather, jon and leta.

4 wheel drive wheelchair needed

from wonkette:

"KE04 is bringing the fight over Vietnam home today, sending former Senator Max Cleland to Bush's Crawford ranch with a letter protesting the SBVFT ads. This will be difficult; the ranch is heavily guarded, he's not exactly on the guest list and, oh yeah, someone will probably have to help him because he lost three limbs during the war and he's in a wheelchair. Subtle, no? This is the new Kerry campaign in action and we love it. We look forward to someone guiding an Alzheimer's patient to the ranch to deliver a letter supporting stem cell research, dispatching indigent child laborers to diseminate the white paper protesting the new Bush-approved overtime regulations and perhaps someone could demand that Bush admit he misled the country about going to war in Iraq or else we'll have to shoot a puppy."

(actual story from reuters)

don't waste your time

one of the funniest things i've read in a while is this list of the ten least essential fall films.

2004 resolution update, week ????

so i have been trying out new recipes, but keeping track of which week i did what is challenging. hell, i can't even find my keys these days, let alone manage to remember when i cooked stuff.

here they are in no particular order:

• garlic bread soup
• black bottomed raspberry cream pie
• butter pecan ice cream
• julia child's recipe for pecan sticky buns made with 5 STICKS OF BUTTER (not yet baked, sitting in the freezer awaiting breakfast yumminess), made in honor of julia.
• strawberry preserves (not much different from blueberry, but hey, it's new!)
• gazpacho (did i mention this before? i think not)

coming attractions: apple butter, chocolate brownie ice cream (my very own creation), martha stewart's recipe for sticky buns, chicken and dumpling soup as well as many, many other soups to put in the freezer for later...

any suggestions for something new to try?

driving advertisement

these are some of the best political bumper stickers i've seen in a while. we just ordered some of the enron/halliburton '04 to send to our friends and family.

damn

i lost all my links when i changed templates.

give me another year or so, maybe i'll find time to read my dusty html book and figure out how to get them back in.

against my better judgement...

i'm trying out comments. i'm giving it a month or so to see how it goes.

yarn geek

i have re-learned how to knit in the past couple of years (basically since moving to vermont-winters with no cable hook up are l--o--n--g). i made scarves for almost all the females in our immediate familes for christmas last year, and a few things for various babies as well as for myself.

we have a couple of great knitting stores in the area, but one is owned and run by a rather cantakerous lady, and the other is about 20-30 minute drive away (tough to do an outing like that with a toddler and infant in tow). so the other day i googled 'yarn' and found quite a few good e-tailers for yarn and knitting supplies. i'm here to tell you that i could drop a lot of dollhairs at purl. they have lots of my favorite yarns in lots more colors than i can find at either store around here. and the prices seem reasonable...hmmmmmmmmm

au revoir

one of my personal heros, Julia Child, died yesterday.

have something cooked in lots of butter and wine this weekend in her honor.

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is how to love and be loved in return

today, my good friend sarah and her girlfriend jane are getting married.

well, i guess since they can't legally get married, the correct thing to say would be 'they are vowing to spend the rest of their lives together'. but that's what marriage is anyway, right? publically celebrating your love for another human being and doing it in front of your god and witnesses (family and friends), and vowing that this person here is the most wonderful and compatable lifetime companion for you in the universe.

there are those who are trying to quash same sex marriages, before they even become recognized legally. it burns me up to no end that my friends who happen to have someone of the same sex to love and love them back can't legally have that love recognized as a union. i heard allen keyes on fresh air yesterday saying same sex marriages are wrong because the purpose of marriage is procreation. pardon my french allen, but i call BULLSH1T. if that was the case, conservative senior citizens wouldn't be getting married (and oooo that might lead to sex outside of marriage!). people who know they can't have children wouldn't be getting married. and babies wouldn't be being born to single parents every goddamned day. and what does your argument say about same sex couples who have children? surely they should be able to get married, as they actually are precreating.

honestly, if you've found someone wonderful enough that you want to spend the rest of your living days with them, whatever the gender, more power to you.

in any case, i'm am deeply saddened by the fact that i cannot be at the oakland zoo today to witness jane and sarah's vows. i thought all summer that i might be able to wing out to california to attend, and was crushed to realize that i would not be able to make it. i shed tears over it. but today, even though i'm not there in person, i shed tears of joy and love for sarah and jane, and their commitment to one another.

congratulations girls! i love you.

in case you were wondering

tofu does NOT freeze well.

and you thought npr-ers didn't have a sense of humor

a birthday while traveling on the kerry-edwards whistle stop tour.

sarah's in the club!

i'm never going to write anything

caffeine is a wonderful thing

for a post about the trials and tribulations of being a parent, head over to the family site.

if you don't read wonkette, you miss good stuff like this...

Overheard outside the CNN greenroom:
Op-ed columnist: " Barak Obama is like the black Colin Powell."
Journalist: "What?"
Op-ed columnist: "Oh -- ha -- I mean the Democratic Colin Powell"
Journalist: "First one's better."