three things that have made me laugh out loud today

from the daily mumps: awesome


from going jesus:
One change I'd like to see for future diocesan conventions is a rule saying that no one can use a metaphor to argue a point without clearing it in advance with the Metaphor and Simile Committee, who will examine it for relevance and coherence.

One metaphor per person per day will be allowed, and metaphors must not be mixed. Disallowed categories include houses and their foundations (unless you are Jesus), boats, viruses and bacteria, and armies.

If this resolution does not pass, then we could go to a system where people are assigned a metaphor at random when they approach the microphone, and they can have an extra minute of debate IF they can find a way to apply that metaphor. The topic is stewardship training, and your metaphor is cockfighting. Go. The topic is funding for missions, and your metaphor is 8-track tapes. Go. The topic is secret balloting, and your metaphor is Chuck Norris. Go.


from mightygirl:
Say you wake up, and it's still dark, and you're groggy, and you're thirsty. Say you stumble into the kitchen, and you see the silhouette of a container of cranberry juice on the counter. Say you're sleepy, so you don't stop to think about why it's not in the fridge, or why the cap feels funny.

In that situation, my advice for you is not to drink it. It's probably olive oil.