Thursday, January 09, 2003

mark morford is god

these choice commentraries from yesterday's sfgate morning fix:

Note To Self: More Lavender On The Drug Money
Two women accused of growing marijuana in their homes made so much money they bought three neighboring houses so they could grow more plants. Prosecutors contend Kathleen Jenny and Virginia Erickson were the brains behind the $1 million pot growing operation that began in 1994 in their basements in Spokane, Washington. The women, both 59, agreed last week to plead guilty to money laundering and being the coolest goddamn moms on the planet anywhere, except for maybe those moms who give their daughters their own Hitachis when they turn 16 or the ones who still chill with some 420 and some Thievery Corporation whilst soaking in the hot tub and letting the well-adjusted kids use the car to go to the rave. The business was so successful that the women eventually involved their husbands and bought the three other neighborhood homes in which to grow more pot. Investigators learned of their activities last summer when a bank teller called police to say that the women's cash deposits smelled like marijuana, because bank tellers in Spokane are just that sneaky and uptight and in desperate need of a smack upside the head and/or a few ounces of premium reefer theirownselves, I mean Christ, what sort of world is it where the bank teller is sniffing your money and calling the cops and narcing on everyone and what's next, sniffing my deposit slips for traces of opium and illegal truffles? Back off, Becky.

That's Lavigne As In, Duh OK Whatever
Ground control to Avril Lavigne: It's David Bowie, like doughy -- not Bowie, like Howie. That's how the 18-year-old Canadian singer pronounced the veteran rock star's name when the Grammy nominations were announced Tuesday. Lavigne was helping announce the nominees for best male rock vocal performance at Madison Square Garden when she made the gaffe, pronouncing Bowie's name like "Howie." When an AP reporter told her afterward that she'd flubbed Bowie's name, Lavigne said: "Oops! I knew that was going to happen, I knew I was going to pronounce someone's name wrong." She was forgiven the gaffe, however, as her own last name has proven difficult for some, who mispronounce "Lavigne" as "Annoying overrated faux-punky sorta undereducated skater chick who is admittedly a helluva lot cooler than Britany but who will still probably be obsolete in year if she's not careful and by the way Iman could snap you like a twig so show a little respect, yo, word."

and let me tell you, if you aren't subscribed to the morning fix newsletter, well, damnit, you really should be.


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